My twin brother called me one lovely morning; it was the first time we had spoken in a few months, so there was definitely a lot of catching up to do. Just as he was ready to end our lengthy talk, he asked, “Bro, did you hear about what happened to Samuel?”
Samuel Tochukwu was one of our childhood friends. He was a cheery person with a remarkable flair for football on the field. However, something happened to Samuel along the way that till date we can’t define.
All we can recall was that he stopped coming around, not to play with the boys or even join us on the walk home from school. We were worried, but when we learned that it had to do with his newly discovered faith, we made the conscious choice to respect his choices, even though we secretly missed our dear friend.
Later we learned that our dear friend dove into a deep water reservoir (known as a well in Nigeria). Before anyone realised something was wrong, the water’s taste had to change, and by the time he was pulled from the water, he was gone.
We learned later that our dear friend was struggling with some mental health challenges of which he was unable to communicate with anyone, and that when it became too much for him to handle, he made the decision to take his own life. Even now, whenever “Nwangwu Lolo” is mentioned, we still feel some kind of way.
On this side of the globe, we don’t value sharing our issues (mental health related issues to be precise) with people until they become life-threatening or very serious.
Even if you want to, society will give you 107 reasons not to, like “You are strong,” “You can hold it up,” “Africans don’t need therapists,” “They will laugh at you if you tell them,” “They will use it against you,” etc. So, while secretly dying in silence, we bottle it up and walk about shining our teeth like everything is under control.
Please talk to someone, please, please. I am aware that there are a thousand and seven reasons not to, but keeping it to yourself would only harm your mental health or, in the worst case scenario, send you to an early grave.
When you pass away, the world will not stop, not even for a fraction of a second. Your photos will presumably be posted for about two weeks, and then life goes on.
WHY YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT IT.
When you’re feeling down, here are some justifications for talking to someone; they also serve as justifications for not keeping your feelings to yourself.
1. TALKING ABOUT IT SOLVES 15% OF THE PROBLEM.
More individuals working on a problem results in quicker and better solutions, according to research. Please refrain from generally posting about your troubles online unless you want someone to take advantage of you and make you feel worse by offering unwarranted criticism.
Instead, speak with individuals you can trust, such as a partner, family member, your religious leader, a close friend or a mentor.
You can as well visit a therapist if you don’t trust your close relatives and friends; you heard me correctly; you need to do so if you don’t have. At least you know you can trust these guys because they are experts in assisting people with issues like this and they have all taken an oath not to discuss your issues with anybody else.
Just be sure to talk to someone;remember also, sharing your issues with those you care about will strengthen your bonds with them.
2. YOU ARE NOT A GHOST, YOU ARE A HUMAN.
Sometimes people have a tendency to forget that they are not flawless. Being a human means that mistakes will inevitably happen. You will be shocked to learn that there are thousands of people—if not more—who are currently experiencing or have experienced what you are going through.
So stop viewing yourself as a worthless individual and seek out a listening ear.
In his article “Nine Steps to hating yourself a little less,” Mark Manson advocates talking to a four-year-old about your biggest issue to get their perspective. They’ll probably beg you to leave that major problem of yours and come play with them, and the best response would be to do so because of whatever it is that you’re dealing with, being human still allows you to interact, feel empathy, and have fun with the life that has been given to you.
Even the most cautious person slips occasionally, so why should you despise yourself for it? Please don’t despise yourself or end your life because you think you deserve it for doing “that thing.” You are only human after all.
3. SOCIETY DON’T CARE.
They obviously don’t. Consider this: People ate to their fill the very day you laid a loved one to rest. They probably must have cried some hot, crocodile tears for a few minutes before smiling, dancing, and squabbling over food and drink.
They should have observed a fast for at least a week, if not longer, to demonstrate their love and respect for the departed right? Nah! It doesn’t work like that, and some people may not love or miss the deceased, but that isn’t the norm. Simply put, life must go on no matter what.
So, just know that I will also be at your funeral, battling and yelling for a bottle of chilled milk, yeah, if you decide to kill yourself or let your troubles consume you rather than discussing your problems with others and appreciating this gift called life, I will be there to drink a bottle or two bottles of milk.
Please make sure it is served chilled; that’s how I like my drinks, thank you.
4. IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP
Some would object, “But why will mine be different when our forefathers never asked for help or required a therapist?” Who made that claim to you? ”Ogbako Umunna na Ezinaulo” (family and kin’s meeting) was my father’s therapeutic section in my tribe. I don’t know about your tribe.
Moreover, are you certain you can endure what your ancestors endured, even if they didn’t have access to therapy? Are you certain you have equal strength to them?
Tatiana Manios in her song ”Like You” said ”You don’t need to be strong all by yourself, it is okay to ask for help” Even the strongest man in the world sometimes needs help. So kindly ask for help when you need it. Unless you want me to go up and engage in a fight that very day over a chilled bottle of milk.
5. BIG BOYS/GIRLS DO CRY
A while back, when my cousin’s sister returned from an outing, she went straight to her room, dropped her bag, and started crying. Her sobs were so loud that I had to turn down my music to hear where the strange sound was coming from. I rushed to find out what was wrong, but she didn’t say anything and continued crying. I had to say sorry for about fifteen times even though I didn’t know why she was crying.
After a few hours, I realised it had to do with “relationship ups and downs.” I was upset because I believed she was stronger than that, and I wanted to tell her that she had let a guy get to her that bad.
However, when she sobbed those hot tears, I understood that she felt powerful, free, and empowered. I was both startled and pleased to see this new her.
So, crying can actually help someone feel better? What do you think? I guess we all need to try this sobbing therapy.
I am aware that Fergie in one of her songs said, “Big girls don’t cry,” but I would want to respectfully disagree.
It doesn’t matter if you think you’re the worst sinner, the least liked person, the poorest person in the world, or a big girl, big boy, big man, or the richest man or woman in the world—your human nature still exists. Therefore, if you ever feel unhappy or under pressure, talk to someone.
Don’t suppress your feelings, stop acting fake, stop trying to satisfy anyone other than yourself, and don’t let your feelings of guilt, pride, or other negative emotions destroy you.
I’m sure I enjoy a chilled bottle of milk, but I’d rather have you around for those special occasions than to attend your funeral.
Love and accept yourself as you are. Till then, have a great day and I’ll see you in my was post.
The beauties of life & family 